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Bless Your Heart of the Week: J Lo Movies

Anyone who has been in the film industry for any extended period of time, or happened to grow up in it like I did, knows that the month of January is where most films go to die. January is like a dumping ground for the year's most embarrassing movies. No really! It's actually referred to as "Dump Month" and it has brought us such treasures as Big Momma's House: 2, You Got Served, and Snow Dogs starring Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding Jr. with a bunch of CGI dogs (SOMEBODY needed a check). Then there was Bride Wars with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson featuring a full on bride brawl, and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, which in spite of its incredibly successful stars (Kate Beckinsale and Jeremy Renner) was just an all around bad idea from the start. I could go on. So, it was no surprise to me when, come January 2015, the crop of movies we had to choose from wasn't much better, namely J. Lo's new movie The Boy Next Door which opened on January 23rd.

Full disclosure: I had NO desire to waste the $15.00 it costs to go to a movie here in New York City to catch this film that features J.Lo as a teacher of classic literature who enters into a torrid affair with one of her students, who happens to live next door, becomes obsessed with her, and ultimately gets violent causing J.Lo to pull out some of her moves from 2002's thriller Enough (which in all honesty, I kind of loved). But now I'm wishing I had gone to see it, because if I had I would have been able to write this piece ages ago. I would have seen what I'm about to show you first hand... and believe me I would have had PLENTY to say about it. Instead, I'll just show you a piece that was brought to my attention this week that the folks over at WTFark put together for our viewing pleasure. It's perfect.

A first edition... of Homer's The Iliad. Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn. I mean... I know I'm blessing J.Lo's heart here because she should have known better than to allow the words to be spoken let ALONE speak them herself... BUT WHO WROTE THIS SCREENPLAY? I'm gonna look it up. BRB.

Ok her name is Barbara Curry... and I know I should be championing female film makers and all that jazz but it's not my fault that apparently Barb was home schooled by a mother who considered Danielle Steel books Classic Literature.

So in conclusion, Bless your heart J. Lo Movies... except Selena. Selena is and always will be a masterpiece for the ages. Maid in Manhattan also falls into this category. The rest are fair game for blessing.

With Grace and Good Humor,

My name is Mary Lane Haskell and my two "claims to fame" are that I have Dolly Parton's fax number and that Reese Witherspoon once liked a post on my Instagram.  I am an actor, a writer, and a profound Chipotle enthusiast making my way in Los Angeles while trying to stay true to my family's southern roots, all with grace and a touch a good humor.  I'm so glad you're here!


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