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Here she is boys...

So I've joined OkCupid and I've come to the conclusion that trying to fill out my profile sober is the worst decision I've made all year. As one of the "things I'm good at" I listed "going through airport security." I mean WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE THAT?!?

Okay... calm down. Deep breaths. Deeeeeeeeeep breaths. Let's try that again.

I decided today after years of my girlfriends telling me I needed to try it, that I would finally join OkCupid. For those of you that are unfamiliar, OkCupid is an online dating site that I would say about 75% of 20-somethings in New York are either on currently or have been on at one point or another. Why is it so popular, you ask? It’s FREE… which is what makes it so appealing to the 20-something culture.


Over a year ago, EliteDaily put out an article titled “The 10 Reasons A Relationship in Your 20’s Makes No Sense At All”, which isn’t exactly the kind of press that inspires commitment from its readers. Other online dating sites like and eHarmony require commitment; because you’re paying for their services you need to be serious about finding someone. There is this idea pervading today’s society that being “serious” should be saved for your 30’s… that your 20’s are all about going a little crazy, having fun, and experiencing all there is to experience. I couldn’t disagree more. Now I’m by no means saying that I want to be married by 25 (kind of an impossibility now anyway since that’s 6 months away), but I think it’s wrong not to take the people we meet, whatever the circumstance, and the relationships we embark upon, however brief they may be, seriously. Otherwise what is it for? I don’t know… because here I am in a way prescribing to the 20-something formula myself so I guess I’ll find out. Though OkCupid has apparently become a lot classier since the creation of Tinder. That’s ultimately why I agreed to it. I don’t even want to talk about Tinder.

So I’m filling out this profile. It’s an impossible task, really… taking my whole life, everything that makes me who I am, and breaking it up into categories like “Things you’re really good at”, “First thing people notice about you”, and “Most private thing you’re willing to admit”. Why on earth would I admit something super private on a profile for thousands of strange men to read? Unless the fact that I’m obsessed with Dancing With the Stars and dream about being on it someday counts I’m going to leave that one blank. Wait… that’s actually kinda good. I’m going to put that on there!

Other things on I've put on the list of things I’m good at:

  • Drinking wine

  • Telling stories

  • Walking in heels… which means I promise not to look like a drunk velociraptor

I’m doing okay. I’m breathing. I haven’t had a panic attack. These are all good signs. I guess all that’s left to say, in true Gypsy Rose Lee fashion, is:

Here she is boys…

... This is going to be a disaster. Till the next installment, friends.

With Grace and Good Humor,

My name is Mary Lane Haskell and my two "claims to fame" are that I have Dolly Parton's fax number and that Reese Witherspoon once liked a post on my Instagram.  I am an actor, a writer, and a profound Chipotle enthusiast making my way in Los Angeles while trying to stay true to my family's southern roots, all with grace and a touch a good humor.  I'm so glad you're here!


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